QUEER WORD
WHAT ARE THE FUNNIEST LESBIAN BAR NAMES?

Lesbian bars are disappearing at an alarming rate — which makes it even more important to remember the ones we’ve lost, and celebrate the ones still standing.

Following my list of funniest gay bar names, here are some of the best (and most ridiculous) lesbian bar names from around the world.

And yes, the same apology applies…

Compiling this list has exposed how… well… puerile my sense of humour is.

If that’s not your thing, this list isn’t going to be for you.

But if you love the lewd and the ludicrous? Strap in.

Yes, these were all genuine, real-life places.

No, I don’t know how some of them got away with it either.

Quick Jump

• The Closet

• Sappho's

• Puss n Boots

• Clit Club

• Butch Gardens

• Sue Ellen’s

• Le So What

• Lick Club

• Gossip Grill

• Candy Bar

• Billie Jean’s

• Ain’t Nobody’s Bizness

The Closet

Chicago, Illinois, USA

After coming out most of us want to spend less time in the closet.

But, if you are a Chicagoan lesbian then you may spend even more time in The Closet, named (aparently) for its tiny size.

Sappho’s

Baltimore, Maryland, USA

Is the name a little on the nose?

Yes, sure.

Does anyone care?

Naw!

Honesty in advertising is everything, and this bar in Baltimore, USA knew how to get the attention of its desired customers.

Puss n Boots

Salt Lake City, Utah, USA

Again, we’re not really going for subtly here.

We’re looking for a name that will instantly pique the interest of passing lesbians, and what better way than naming your bar after the colloquial term for vagina?

Clit Club

New York City, New York, USA

It’s got everything you could ever want.

Alliteration, anatomy, admirers.

Starting in 1990, this club night billed itself as ‘a roving home for dykes, sex workers, and unflappable misfits.’

Butch Gardens

Los Angeles, California, USA

A play on Busch Gardens, a nearby theme park at the time of opening, this bar is historically significant as one of the first places that LA’s politicians visited in order to court the queer vote.

Sue Ellen’s

Dallas, Texas, USA

Stay with me on this one – I promise the title is funny when you hear the full story.

There’s a cult soap opera from the 80s called Dallas, which is about a rich and dysfunctional family based in… well, Dallas, Texas.

Two of the main characters in the series are a straight couple, J.R. and Sue Ellen.

And Dallas (the city, not the TV series) boasts two bars named after these characters – J.R.’s, a gay male bar, is around the corner from the lesbian bar Sue Ellen’s.

Le So What

Paris, France

Always so much cooler than the rest of us, the French even have a detached nonchalance when it comes to naming their lesbian bars.

Lick Club

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

Ok, ok, I’ve tried to keep the smutty names to a minimum. But, this one is just too good to pass on!

Gossip Grill

San Diego, California, USA

This bar’s name has no significance to the lesbian community, but it is a funny play on the name of teen soap opera ‘Gossip Girl’ (which finally added a lesbian character in its 2021 reboot).

Candy Bar

London, United Kingdom

Famous enough to get its own related reality show (see below), the playful double meaning of this bar’s name wasn’t enough to keep the customers coming and it unfortunately closed in 2013.

Billie Jean’s

Kansas City, Missouri, USA

Named after none other than OG dyke-on Billie Jean King, this bar in Kansas City unfortunately closed in the 1980s.

P.S. No word on whether the bar was tennis themed.

Ain’t Nobody’s Bizness

Tuscon, Arizona, USA

Dubious spelling aside, this bar has one of the coolest names for any type of queer venue.

Being based in a strip mall, though, makes you wonder just how discreet a place it was?

QUEER WORD
FAQs

What are the funniest lesbian bar names?

Some of the funniest (and real) lesbian bar names include The Closet, Clit Club, Puss n Boots, Butch Gardens, and Sue Ellen’s.

Are lesbian bars disappearing?

Yes — the number of lesbian bars has declined significantly over time, which is why it’s worth celebrating the venues and communities that still exist.

Why do lesbian bars have funny names?

Because queer nightlife has always thrived on wordplay, innuendo, camp humour, and insider references — and a bar name sets the tone before you even walk in.