🧠 what’s so controversial about 'sapiosexual'? 🧠

QUEER WORD
SAPIOSEXUAL

What It Means:

A term used to describe someone who is primarily attracted to intelligence or intellect.

Let’s Use It In A Sentence:

Bettina took a deep breath before explaining to her nonna, for the fifty-seventh time, that sapiosexuality had nothing to do with tree sap.

What's So Controversial About ‘Sapiosexual’?

If you're new around these here parts, it's time to let you know that I can sometimes be a bits of a fence-sitter, nodding in agreement to both sides of the argument and seemingly incapable of picking either one.

And this, dear reader, is one of those occasions.

Because, yes, I see the points that people who oppose the term sapiosexual are making and agree with a good few of them.

But at the same time... I'm like... just let people identify how they want to identify. If it's a label that works for you, go right ahead. If you change your mind later, that's fine too.

Right, now that I've made that admission, let's dive in and find out some more about this controversial term.

Where Did It Come From?

The term sapiosexual is derived from the Latin sapiens (‘wise’) combined with ‘-sexual’.

Accounts of when the term was first coined vary, with some saying mid-2000s, and some saying it was coined by a LiveJournal user named wolfieboy in 1998.

Regardless of its origins, nobody really paid all that much attention to the term until the dating app OkCupid introduced it as a sexual-orientation option in 2014 (though, it's worth noting that the option was then removed in 2019).

So Why Do People Seem to Have a Problem With It?

Ok, now this is what you came here to find out. Let's see, there's:

We already have a word for this - demisexual (or even pansexual)

Some argue that if you're attracted to people based on connection rather than physical characteristics, demisexual already covers that ground. Or if you're attracted to people regardless of gender and prioritise personality, that's just being pansexual.

It's seen as ableist and elitist

The term implies that intelligence is the primary criterion for attraction, which can feel exclusionary to people with intellectual disabilities or learning differences. It also has an icky whiff of ‘I'm not like other people, I care about people’s minds’ pretentiousness that rubs people the wrong way.

How do you even define 'intelligence'?

Sticking with the ableist and elitist allegation, what we commonly consider as 'intelligence' through a Western lens is often rooted in racism, ableism and classism. It's rare that we're talking about street smarts or emotional intelligence or creative intelligence. Instead, typically, it's referring to the type of intelligence that is paid for with a hefty amount of cash and/or favours from well-connected family and friends. This automatically excludes people who don't have access to these resources.

Preference isn't the same as sexuality

This is probably the biggest criticism. Finding intelligence attractive is a preference, not a sexual orientation. I mean, if we extend this logic, we'd need terms like ‘musclesexual’ or ‘reallyniceteethsexual.’ Where do we draw the line?

Or maybe it's just a fetish?

A fetish is defined as 'an intense, often obsessive sexual attraction to a specific non-living object, body part, or situation, where that element is necessary for sexual gratification'. Sounds like intelligence fits the bill.

So, there you have it. A term some people find useful, and others find absolutely insufferable.

Where do you land?