QUEER WORD
RELATIONSHIP ANARCHY

What it means:

Relationship anarchy is an approach to connection that throws out the rulebook. It rejects the idea that romantic relationships should be prioritised above all others, and instead embraces personal freedom, emotional honesty, and equality across all forms of connection.

So, long story short — why should your spouse automatically get top billing over your best mate, just because society says so?

Let's Use It In A Sentence:

After years of feeling stifled by traditional dating expectations, Alex decided to go full relationship anarchist, treating their partner, friends, and even their tortoise with equal care and attention — and negotiating each connection on its own terms.

A Little Bit of History:

It's safe to assume that there have been people practicing relationship anarchy all throughout time.

But, the articulation of the term relationship anarchy and the underpinning concept behind it was popularised by Swedish writer Andie Nordgren in 2012 when she published the essay "the short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy", which was translated from her native Swedish-language titled "relationsanarki i 8 punkter" (which, as well as being more fun to say, translates to "relationship anarchy in 8 points").

Now, if you're thinking, "Anarchy? Isn't that just a fancy word for chaos?" - read on!

Relationship anarchy is more about rejecting hierarchies and predefined scripts than lighting a match to everything and watching it burn down. It's a bit like Marie Kondo-ing your love life - if it doesn't spark joy, throw it in the bin!

But how is this different from polyamory?

While polyamory often includes the idea of a “primary partner” or a clear pecking order, relationship anarchy rejects all hierarchy. You don’t have to rank or label your connections — you define them yourself.

Some people choose romantic and platonic life partners. Others might have lovers, co-parents, creative collaborators, or queerplatonic partners. It’s a big ol’ mix-and-match buffet of love and intimacy.

Is relationship anarchy just for queer people?

Nope! While it has strong roots in queer and feminist circles (and resonates with a lot of LGBTQIA+ folks), anyone can explore relationship anarchy — especially if they’re questioning societal norms around love, sex, and commitment.

While relationship anarchy may seem chaotic to those unfamiliar, it's really about actively choosing how you want to structure your relationships, rather than defaulting to societal expectations. It's a highly personal philosophy that encourages radical self-determination and authenticity in our connections.

But, also, on a personal note - it sounds like a lot of work!

FAQ: What People Ask About Relationship Anarchy

Talk to me like I’m five years old - what is relationship anarchy in simple terms?
It’s the idea that you get to define your own relationships, rather than following society’s scripts. Romantic, platonic, sexual, creative — all relationships are equal, and you set the rules.

Is relationship anarchy the same as polyamory?
Not quite. While both reject traditional monogamy, polyamory often includes a “primary partner” or set hierarchy. Relationship anarchy says no thanks to all that and lets every relationship stand on its own terms.

Can monogamous people practise relationship anarchy?
Yes! Relationship anarchy isn’t about how many relationships you have — it’s about how you value them. Even if you’re monogamous, you can still practise RA by refusing to put your romantic partner above your friends or chosen family by default.

Is relationship anarchy a queer thing?
It has deep roots in queer, feminist, and activist communities, but anyone can adopt it. That said, many LGBTQIA+ folks find RA particularly empowering because it actively challenges heteronormative and amatonormative expectations.

Isn’t it just chaos?
Not at all. While “anarchy” might sound wild, it’s more about intention than disorder. Think honesty, consent, communication, and mutual respect — just without the societal pressure to rank your relationships.

How do I get started with relationship anarchy?
A great place to begin is reading The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy by Andie Nordgren. Then, have open conversations with the people in your life. Relationship anarchy is built, not bought — so take your time.