👻 why say 'coming out' when you can use this silly phrase instead? 👻

QUEER WORD
GOING OVER TO THE SPOOK SIDE

What It Means:

a playful, tongue-in-cheek alternative to the more common ‘coming out’.

Let’s Use It In A Sentence:

After years of dodging questions, Yanna finally announced at after-work drinks, 'Alright ladies, I'm officially going over to the spook side. And, you know what? I’m really bloody spooky.’

A Little Bit of History

‘Coming out?’ Tired, overused, boring.

‘Standing in my truth?’ Yeah, I get it, but it doesn't really have much oomph, does it?

‘Going over to the spook side?’ Now we’re talking! Mysterious, witchy and kind of nonsensical. 

I think we’ve found ourselves a winner! 

But where did this deliciously odd term come from?

Ever heard of the Moomins?

They’re those pudgy, hippo-like creatures from Finnish children's books that somehow manage to simultaneously radiate both wistful sadness and a delightful mirth.

Well, allow me to introduce you to their brilliant creator: Tove Jansson.

Now, as you'd probably expect for someone who dreamed up such iconic, otherworldly creatures, Tove quickly became something of a national treasure in her native Finland.

But this was the 1940s. Which, well… you know already… was a different time with very different rules.

And, as exciting as the thought of being dubbed a national treasure seems, it also comes with many limitations and increased scrutiny.

I mean, this was at a time when being gay was literally illegal in Finland - and wouldn't be decriminalised until 1971 (and, even then, it was still considered a mental illness for another decade). Not exactly the kind of atmosphere where you could casually mention your girlfriend at dinner parties.

When you add to this the fact that Tove was a children’s author (her author biography in all of her books said she ‘lived alone’, because admitting otherwise would have likely destroyed her career), you start to get a better sense of the strange world she had to navigate.

For Tove, staying closeted wasn't so much a choice, it was survival. Which is exactly why the spook side became such a handy phrase.

The Letters That Teach Us About Tove’s Life

Understandably, Tove was secretive about her life. In fact, she was very secretive. Many of the letters she sent to friends came with explicit instructions to burn after reading.

But, lucky for us (!), those friends decided to ignore her request (though I have to admit, I do feel a bit conflicted as I sift through letters never intended for my eyes.)

There were moments when Tove was quite direct:

And then, there were the more guarded moments, when poetic, coded language slipped through. These became her subtle way of sharing who she really was:

And, then, of course, we have:

More Than Just A Phrase

Now, I'm not one of those people who believes that there's a deeper meaning behind everything. When I first heard of going over to the spook side, I figured Tove just said it as a throwaway joke and then kept using it because it made her friends laugh.

But then I started reading about the queer subtext in her work - how she wrote about 'otherness' as a shadowy, silent, secretive journey - and the phrase started to feel a little more intentional.

The moment that really got me on board was after reading this monologue from Too-ticky, a character based on Tuulikki Pietila (Jansson's partner of ALMOST 50 YEARS!) in Moominland Midwinter: (1957):

Reading this, it feels like Tove is writing about her own experience, and about the experience of so many queer people who lived in the shadows at the time.

Going over to the spook side suddenly makes more sense. It's not just a silly phrase; it's about stepping into that hidden world, the one that exists in half-light where you can finally be yourself, even if it seems a bit spooky and dangerous.

Now, whether Tove meant it that deeply or not, we’ll probably never know.

What I do know, though, is that I'm absolutely going to start using this phrase in everyday conversation. It's so much cooler and more mysterious than the tired, overplayed ‘coming out.’

Just... maybe don't mention any of this to your more conservative-leaning acquaintances? I'd hate to be responsible for getting The Moomins banned from my local library.