QUEER WORD
FRIEND OF DOROTHY

What it means:

Friend of Dorothy is a coded phrase historically used by LGBTQ+ people - especially gay men - to identify each other discreetly. It offered a way to signal queerness in times when being openly gay could be outright dangerous.

Let's Use It In A Sentence:

After hinting he was a Friend of Dorothy, Leo was invited to ‘after-hours karaoke’ - which, as it turns out, involved very little singing and absolutely no trousers.

What If 'Friend of Dorothy' Has Nothing to Do With Judy Garland?

I know, I know... blasphemy!

But hear me out.

Why Queer History Is So Mysterious

For most of modern history, documenting queer life in any official way was risky - even dangerous.

Stories, slang, and traditions were often passed down verbally, shared in whispers rather than written down in any formal way.

And when you rely on word of mouth, details can easily shift, stretch, or get massaged along the way.

So while the Judy Garland connection is the most famous theory behind the term Friend of Dorothy, it might not be the only one.

Let's explore a few alternative possibilities...

Theory #1: Dorothy Parker’s Secret Party Code

One theory ties the phrase Friend of Dorothy not to Judy Garland, but to Dorothy Parker, the sharp-witted American poet, critic, and socialite.

During Prohibition in the 1920s and '30s, Parker threw secret parties where alcohol flowed freely.

To keep unwanted guests away, she allegedly used a password system: you quite literally had to say you were a Friend of Dorothy to get in.

Because many of her guests were gay men, the phrase started to take on a life of its own - a private, coded way to signal queer identity.

Theory #2: Military Slang During World War II

Another theory also connects back to Dorothy Parker, whose writing was packed with terms like ‘nelly,’ ‘fabulous,’ and ‘simply divine’ - phrases that would later be closely tied to queer culture.

During World War II, queer men in the military reportedly used these phrases (and the term Friend of Dorothy) to subtly identify each other.

It became a way to test the waters: drop a coded phrase, see whether anyone picks up on it.

From there, it spread across Europe and the U.S., embedded in conversations wherever queer people needed a safe way to connect.

Theory #3: The Other Wizard of Oz Connection

And finally—my personal favourite.

So, you probably already know that before ‘The Wizard of Oz’ became a film, it was a beloved children's book series by L. Frank Baum.

In the fifth book, The Road to Oz, there's a particular exchange that melts my cold, frosted heart:

Simple, affirming, and powerful.

Some historians believe this line could be the true origin of Friend of Dorothy - positioning Dorothy as a loyal ally to anyone seen as ‘queer,’ decades before Judy Garland ever clicked her ruby heels together.

So, Which Origin Story Is True?

The frustrating - and beautiful - thing about queer history is that we'll probably never know for sure.

It’s entirely possible that all these stories are true, with different communities embracing different meanings at different times. Conversely, maybe NONE of these stories tell the true origin of the slang Friend of Dorothy.

What matters most is that the term became a quiet, powerful shorthand:
an invitation, a signal, a way of saying you’re safe here when the world said otherwise.

Is 'Friend of Dorothy' Still Used Today?

In an era of Grindr, TikTok, and rainbow everything, Friend of Dorothy feels a little like a relic from another time.

But that doesn’t mean it’s forgotten.

Some older generations still use it fondly, and you’ll occasionally hear it dropped into conversation with a wink - especially among those who remember when codes were a matter of survival.